Brainwaves by msjdew

In a couple weeks I’ll graduate with an MFA in writing, fiction specifically. It doesn’t feel as colossal as I thought it might the day I began the program but it is, nonetheless, another turned corner, a shining new stone to step. When I finished undergrad, I frantically scurried around, trying to engender new opportunities and structures – most of which, in the grander scheme of things, were extremely short-lived successes given my haste and fears of failing. Long story short, I was stalled out exhausted for a couple years with tons of reimagining to do. Eventually, I began creating a life that, in many ways, is counter to what was in my psychology to even consider. Ultimately – as these things usually are – it was a win.

This time I’ve decided to skip the grief bit and go straight to the reevaluating and reimagining part, starting with the festive crustacean I was drawn to which is featured above. It represents our cyclical natures and the protection needed to pursue new paths. As strong lunar symbols their connections to the moon span universally, astrologically, and esoterically. There’s a unique duality about them being able to live and venture both land and water which sings adaptability.

Then I dreamt of a spider as I napped on the couch. It grew from a tiny speck into a large and fuzzy yet friendly creature on my desk before it jumped into my lap. In general, spiders are reminders that our lives are constructed by our choices (duly noted!), given their remarkable web-weaving skills. Therefore, they’re emblematic of creativity that’s also specifically feminine. And they signal that a type of recognition is coming, so I assume the obvious: my degree for the pangs of completing a program.

I take the crab and spider as indicators that I’m beginning, or rather continuing, another phase of the spiral at the point where I need to be. Of course, I’ll create – not only through the forgiving, cathartic practice of writing that’s forever infused in my DNA and constantly demanding I expand upon certain themes over and over to shape them new and different, but in other ways too, all the positive, emboldening ways I can handle.

Creativity is unquestionably powerful; it’s revelatory, revolutionary, and inspiriting but it can also be gruesomely deceptive and lethal. That’s where free will, but more importantly, intuition comes in. For that, in addition to our overly stimulated, thinking brains, we need the heart, symbolically featured to the right and waiting for us to fill it with infinite good stuff. It’s fertile ground. Plant and harvest accordingly.

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